29 Jan '05 - 07:45 | Karma: + 1 - 1 | § ¶Yielding to maintain integrity
Yield, and maintain integrity.
To bend is to be upright;
to be empty is to be full.
Those who have little have much to gain,
but those who have much
may be confused by possessions.
The wise man embraces the all encompassing;
he is unaware of himself, and so has brilliance;
not defending himself, he gains distinction;
not seeking fame, he receives recognition;
not making false claims, he does not falter;
and not being quarrelsome,
is in conflict with no one.
This is why it was said by the sages of old,
"Yield, and maintain integrity;
be whole, and all things come to you".
28 Jan '05 - 03:02 | Karma: + 1 - 1 | § ¶I am what I am, I am back.
hy·poc·ri·sy
n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies
- The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
- An act or instance of such falseness.
I have lots of philosophies, ideas and concepts that I strive to follow. I came up with the idea of making my own after reading Ben Franklins 13 virtues in summerschool of '92. I am still working on my book (do not hold your breath) but meanwhile, I keep coming up with changes to my concepts that improve them and re-applying them to my life.
However, I am not perfect. I mess them up *all* the time. I still have not even written them all down in my head. (new goal).
When I fail one or more of my goals I need help regaining focus and not losing my self esteem. It seems that what has started happening, is that I get stomped on and mocked. I have not chosen friends wisely lately. I think most of them are out of my life or on the way out.
The Tao discusses how "the sage" is to react to being mocked and ridiculed: he is to remain quiet. That is so difficult for somebody with a big a mouth as mine is, but it is on my list of things to change.
To the rest, those that have lent me a hand, picked me up and said, "keep trying", Thank You. Your patience and understanding of me has brought me back, one crumpled piece at a time.
Onward and upward. There is no spoon.
27 Jan '05 - 11:28 | Karma: + 1 - 1 | § ¶The decay of ethics
When the way of the Tao is forgotten,
kindness and ethics need to be taught;
men learn to pretend to be wise and good.
All too often in the lives of men,
filial piety and devotion
arise only after conflict and strife,
just as loyal ministers all too often appear,
when the people are suppressed.
It is better merely to live one's life,
realizing one's potential,
rather than wishing
for sanctification.
He who lives in filial piety and love
has no need of ethical teaching.
When cunning and profit are renounced,
stealing and fraud will disappear.
But ethics and kindness, and even wisdom,
are insufficient in themselves.
Better by far to see the simplicity
of raw silk's beauty
and the uncarved block;
to be one with onself,
and with one's brother.
It is better by far
to be one with the Tao,
developing selflessness,
tempering desire,
removing the wish,
but being compassionate.
-- 18-19 Lao Tzu, Tao te Ching, trans. by Stan Rosenthal
11:12 | Karma: + 1 - 1 | § ¶Mirrors
... and sometimes the objects in the mirror are waaay bigger than they appear.
like I said before, its all a mind-fsck.
26 Jan '05 - 07:52 | Karma: + 1 - 2 | § ¶Fathers and Daughters
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But thats just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
and i've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
maybe its got nothing to do with me
- a snip of Daughter by John Mayer
Many things have happened over the last year that I have still not sorted out yet. Its been one crazy year and 2005 is proving to be a firecracker, but the lowest parts are over. It matters not, what other people think. I have made many mistakes, but have also done some things ok too. I have learned from all of it. I have found myself with what I thought was more than I could handle.
..but I am handling it.
Now I have a daughter and a blue sky means more, than it did before
My job is to teach her how to think independently so that she has the skills to survive if she ever finds herself in this, or another equally awkward position. Goodness knows, that when she is old enough to read this site she will have a completely different understanding as to how she came to be.
25 Jan '05 - 03:21 | Karma: + 0 - 1 | § ¶Friends
friend (n.)
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
That is from dictionary.com. Personally, I am pickier about my friends. I think loyalty and sincerity are also necessary traits to be considered my friend. Friends are the type that even if you have not seen them in years, you can, get some ice and a glass of scotch without having to knock on the door. We need friends, even personality types INTP. I am thankful for my friends.
03:10 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶Kitchen Sink #2
- I removed the search box for now (was in the top right). If you used it, sorry. it was messing up the formatting in Internet Exploder. I will put it back when I get a minute to work on the formatting.
- JC visited this past weekend. He could tell I needed help screwing my head back on straight. Many many thanks, the reminder that perspective is relative was desperately needed.
- Aby had her 2 month checkup. She weighs 12lbs 13 oz and is 21.5 inches. She is currently fighting a left ear infection so she could not get her shots yet.
- I finished the Skinny Dip by Carl Hiaasen. A book which was titled by the late Warren Zevon, I just find out. I recommend it.
- I took the back roads back from the San Antonio airport yesterday. US 281 is the highway the airport is on so I just drove it back to 290. Nice relaxing drive listening to my book.
- My mind just went blank, as I think I had some more points to make. Maybe they will come back. or not
21 Jan '05 - 09:42 | Karma: + 2 - 0 | § ¶Wrought Iron
If you have ever been burglarized, then you know how I feel. That sick feeling you get when you realize one of your windows or doors was no longer in its place and you get uptight. I have that feeling, only the people that are doing this actually have a key. That just makes it all the more tough to bear.
As Wesley said, life is pain.
Understanding why, seems like a requirement but it is not. It should be easy to just let go and not ask why but that is not easy either. If it was a complete stranger that is one thing, but when it is somebody you have purposefully let near to your heart it spawns animosity and feelngs of betrayal and disgust. You ever get the feeling my (emotional) life is a toy being batted around by a cat that looms larger than your own life?
It is all a mind-fsck.
18 Jan '05 - 15:47 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶Enders Game
Just finished listening to Enders Game. It is a science fiction writing by Orson Scott Card in which a young boy goes to war with aliens. It is not what I expected. The boy starts at about 6 years old, but this is definately not a kids book. Perhaps 15+ depending on the logical age of the reader. (as opposed to actual). Kept me engrossed. I do not usually take my audio books out of the car with me but this one kept me sitting in the chair relaxing and just listening and picturing the events as they unfolded. There are many books in the "Enders Series", so I am off to the Library to download the next two.
17 Jan '05 - 09:42 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶A little Trippy
I fell on my head, from wrestling on the bed. So that is not a hangover, but man my head still hurts. (on the top)
I drove to Dallas this past weekend, where my cousins Jimmy and Jeff take up residence. We played pool, watched football, drank some good scotch Macallan 18 and some bad beer (shiner/miller). Socializing at a Deep Ellum bar called Adairs was a blast. The crowd is nicely mixed ranging from 21 to mid 40's so conversations really cover the gamut. Jeff and I are about the same age so we get along really well and when drinking at times get to be like school boys pinching and wrestling. the drive was uneventful, except that tire light keeps lighting up the dash as I am waiting till the last moment to take it back to the dealer...
13 Jan '05 - 14:07 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶2004 lists
- Whoever invented speedbumps, was not pregnant
- Whoever invented Vicodin, does not take it. As with most drugs, you need not be the one to take it to have it directly impact your life. Negatively.
- If you are inclined to become a Buddhist monk, do so before having kids
- Do not trade a Tacoma for a RAV4
- Actions do speak louder than words
- Re-Actions to others actions do not, but are emotional defenses which still need to be controlled
- Love is blind, but definately has taste, sometimes bad but mostly good
- Materialism is a disease, probably related to greed
- Dependency is also a disease, unfortunately many parents breed this into their kids
- Life is pain, and positively handling the pain builds character
- ...I seem to be gaining lots and lots of character lately
- GW is a lousy moron, but got re-elected because the Democraps are even lousier
- Abstain, just utilize your imagination
- Forgiveness does not mean acceptance
10 Jan '05 - 09:45 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶Pithy and Succinct
My attempts at brevity create my failure to anticipate all the ways I could be mis-understood.
I think that sums up my relationships with women.
09:30 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶Personality Type INTP and my enneagram
The Jung Myers-Briggs personality type came up in an off-topic linux discussion, so I googled on it and found this test and took it. I am an introverted domineering tyrant.
Your Type is INTP Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving Strength of the preferences % 67 33 67 11 INTP type description by D.Keirsey INTP type description by J. Butt Qualitative analysis of your type formula You are: * distinctively expressed introvert * moderately expressed intuitive personality * distinctively expressed thinking personality * slightly expressed perceiving personalityThen I found another page that has lots more tests. Then did my enneagram... Continued...
08:01 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶Time Shift...
The maitenance light came on the Toyota a few weeks back, started out flashing and then stayed solid. So I thought it might be time to take it to the shop. (duh) However, since it has only been washed like, once, since I bought it I decided to clean it up first. Also, SOMEHOW, the right front tire is missing two chunks of sidewall so the "inflate tire" message keeps lighting up the dash.
First to get the tire fixed. I remember from my days as a tire tech that tire shops mark up the tires by at least 30%, and the Toy has 100,000 mile tires on it. I was guessing that a shop would charge ~100-120 just for the tire, no mounting or balancing. I also figured I would mail-order a tire from The Tire Rack for $50.00 and get the local shop to just mount and balance it for ~$20 and all told only be out $70.00. Back then a top-o-the line Dunlop D60-A2 H (#1 in Jan 1993 Consumer Reports) was only $34.00 online but $90 in the shop. Boy was I wrong. Tire rack wants $89.00 just for my tire, the Bridgestone Dueler H/L 687. Once you add shipping the local shop wins the price war. Hmm. I suppose it *was* 10 years ago that I last ordered a tire. So plan b. Continued...
02 Jan '05 - 15:10 | Karma: + 0 - 0 | § ¶The year in Review 2004
2003 was an exciting year but 2004 succeeded in throwing caution to the wind and tearing into new territory and rediscovery and completely turning everytyhing upside down. I am sure 2005 holds more surprises yet..
During the past year, I left my family and friend, moved to Austin, met a gal, got an apartment started a new job as contract then got hired into that same job and had a beautiful baby girl. Discovered that 50G's does not go as far as I thought it would (even with no state income tax) when drugs and healthcare consume almost 1000.00 a month (not for myself). Discovered that being stuck in the middle of "The Clampets Family Fued" and their daughters coming of age is not a lot of fun from any angle. Granted I stick out like a sore thumb when "normal" means you put a facade on reality.
Overall 2004 was a pretty darn messed up year so stay tuned for a much better 2005. Although it will probably get worse before it gets better, the year is young yet but I am feeling like there is not much closer to the bottom to go before things improve. I will not lose hope and am going to re-find myself despite how much I have messed up the past year. If things play out the way they are headed it should be pretty exciting.